So, I’m stressing a bit right now. This morning started off on an off balance foot, I had to crawl out of bed around 5:30am to take my mom and Big Brian to the airport, I was actually surprised that I could form coherent thoughts that early in the morning, I’m usually up around 7:30am and even then it’s normally hard for me :).
One thing I noticed on the trip the Oakland airport was that my mom was acting a bit drunk, and I’m thinking left overs from the night before. This really bothered me, I love my mom, but this side of her is something I really could have done without while growing up. Right now I feel the need to vent because this compounds the existing worries about about her. She currently smokes (with no health insurance, and over 60), and she still has not looked for employment since her company tanked last August (2004) . I try and offer help, but it comes down to the whole “…lead a horse to water…” scenario. I cannot and will not force her to do anything she does not choose for herself. I can only control my life and my actions and the fact is, since it hurts to see someone I love degrade, I find I am distancing myself. I want to be around her and do things with her, but not with the “drunk her”. And yet, I realize that this might add to the depression that is leading her to drink. So I feel trapped and unable to help someone I care about. It really sucks.